


you wouldn’t know love

by blackwidcv



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Slow Burn, actually haven’t written anything since that first one so once again... i may be a bit rusty, and i really mean loosely so pls don't be thrown off, loosely inspired by sabrina the teenage witch and to all the boys i’ve loved before, second fic woop woop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-02 00:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17877914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwidcv/pseuds/blackwidcv
Summary: what does a girl do when her best friend turned boyfriend tells her he thinks their love was fabricated? certainly not run into the arms of the school’s most notorious heartthrob. and does exactly that.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NeverMessWithTeddyBears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverMessWithTeddyBears/gifts).



> like it says in the tags, i haven’t written anything since my last fic which was quite a while ago. so i might be a bit rusty. hope some of you still might enjoy it though, this is a marauder’s era spin on the ever-so-beloved fake! dating trope. nothing revolutionary, hopefully fun though. feel free to let me know all of your thoughts, it would be immensely (!) appreciated! x

 

When she woke up on that particular Wednesday morning, Sabrina had no idea that this day was going to pretty much change her life. Everything had gone like it used to; waking up, getting dressed, meeting Rory in the common room and going to breakfast together, going to class, eating lunch and back in class again, then doing homework and going to bed. This was pretty much every single Hogwarts student’s average routine, with the occasional Quidditch practice thrown in the mix for some people. Since it was mid-November, everybody had already smoothly flown into it so to think that something would disturb this routine, was unheard of, at least for Sabrina.

“Did you hear that Claflin hit his head at practice last night and is now concussed?”

“Really?” Sabrina asked, putting her last piece of toast into her mouth. “Is he gonna be okay till Saturday?” she turned to Rory in concern and realised from his expression what the answer was going to be.

“No idea, Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t let us see him but we doubt it. We do have a stand-in, Archer, thank god, but you know she isn’t... she isn’t Claflin.”

“I doubt she’s going to be any good against that Vaughn oaf.” he added after a short pause.

“Hey,” said Sabrina, running her hand down his back soothingly as Rory let out a long designated sigh, “Nothing’s lost yet, there’s no telling what’ll happen.”

“I know but it’s Slytherin and you know we’ve never won against them.”

“You just might this time.” she replied, flashing her boyfriend an encouraging smile. He exhaled exhaustingly but Sabrina spotted that his lips had curled upwards slightly which was enough for her to know that he believed her for the time being.

Realistically, Sabrina was aware that the Slytherin team was infamous for taking a big toll on any house’s Quidditch team, not necessarily because they were better players but because of their enormous competitive streak that quite often manifests itself in extreme violence. Hufflepuffs however were mostly really just in it for the joy of the game yet that didn’t mean it didn’t sting whenever they lost. But Sabrina remained optimistic, not only for Rory’s and her house’s sake but because she genuinely belived the team’s hard work and weeks-long preparation would pay off one day.

The morning classes went as normally as Hogwarts can get. In History of Magic which they shared with the Slytherins, Mary Wellington, one of Sabrina’s closest friends, clapped Rory hard on the back as she passed by him and grinned: “So Smith, ready to get your lanky ass kicked on Saturday?”

This of course only made Rory more forlorn than he already was which caused Sabrina to shoot her friend an exasperated look: “Thanks, Mary” but Mary only grinned wider. It was common knowledge to everybody that Mary wasn’t actually particularly fond of Quidditch but that didn’t stop her from casually harrassing the opposing team before a match if she had the chance.

After lunch, they had double potions with the Gryffindors and since her and Rory were sat quite far apart from each other Sabrina had the chance to get her mind off the match and what it would do to him physically and emotionally for a little while. It also helped that she quite enjoyed the subject.

“Morning, Pritchard.” the voice belonging to the person who loudly plumped himself onto the closest seat greeted her.

“Morning, Sirius.” she responded, her eyes not leaving her essay as she was completely unfased by the fact that Sirius had said morning despite it being well into the afternoon. “Did you do this?” she asked him as she looked up, gesturing at her parchment.

“What was it on?” he asked and Sabrina guessed from that that he didn’t.

“The ingredients used in the Draught of Peace.”

“Ah, shit.” She only smiled lightly, shook her head and turned back to her essay to check for mistakes one last time.

The pair had been randomly made potions partners sometime in the middle of fourth year and after realising they worked surprisingly well together they decided to continue this arrangement (which may or may not have included Sirius begging her slightly, as he was aware she must’ve been at least partially responsible for his acceptable grade in the final exam). This is why Sabrina was quite familiar with his academic habits. She would often encourage him to start focusing on work a bit more, even offering him to join her study group a few times but he always declined with a scoff and a wave of his hand. She’d steadily given up though, especially after Remus, who was quite conveniently sat opposite them, told her that it was of no use.

As everyone handed in their work at the beginning of the lesson, Sabrina saw Sirius lean back on his chair and try to look as inconspicious as possible. Professor Slughorn who was still of good sight and quite frankly used to these kinds of antics, didn’t fail to miss him: “Mister Black, might I ask for your essay, please?”

Sirius didn’t skip a beat. “No, my dog ate it, Professor.”

A round of giggles erupted in the dungeon and Remus rolled his eyes at his friend. Slughorn stared motionless, yet with a hint of a smile playing on his lips, at Sirius before letting out an exasperated breath, placing the essays into a drawer and saying: “Make it be twice as long next week.”

“Seriously, mate?” whispered James to Sirius from his table after Slughorn began his lesson.

“How the fuck did _you_ do it?” Sirius snapped back, his voice faded with slight annoyance as he was still leaning back on his chair showing no intention of pulling out his ink and notebook just yet.

“I asked Remus.”

“Mate!” Sirius groaned, turning to Remus across from him.

“I didn’t do it _for_ him, I just helped a bit.”

“And why didn’t you help me?”

“Because you didn’t ask.”

That made Sirius groan again as he moved to sit at the table properly and started fetching his supplies out of his backpack. You could see that he was grinning though and Remus was only shaking his head, albeit adoringly.

 

**

 

At dinner, Sabrina sat opposite Jackie Liao, another close friend of hers, also a Hufflepuff. They had just been discussing the topic of baking pastries and somehow Christmas had come up.

“I think I might actually stay at Hogwarts over Christmas this year.”

“Really? How come?”

“It’s my mum and dad’s twentieth anniversary and he’s taking her to China but they’ve decided to go the Muggle way since that’s how they met and... yeah. That takes a long while. So we’ll have to stay here.” Jackie shrugged.

“You could come and stay with us.” Sabrina suggested taking a sip of her tea.

“Oh really? You want Katie in your house over the holidays?” Jackie raised her eyebrows and gestured across the room toward the Gryffindor table where her little sister sat.

“No... you’re right.” Sabrina replied and they both laughed. Little Katie Liao, a proud first-year, was probably the most energetic person Sabrina had ever met. She was nice and oftentimes quite endearing but the thought of having her around the house for over a week, where she would probably be rolling on a sugar-high due to all the christmas cookies, wasn’t something Sabrina would consider as a pleasant holiday experience.

Rory, who sat next to his them, was being uncharacteristically unattentive this evening. The girls didn’t seem to mind much though, subconsciously attributing it to his nervosity of the upcoming match against Slytherin.

As their conversation switched from christmas, to new year’s to pyrotechnics, he all of a sudden straightened his back and spoke up: “Sabrina, will you walk to practice with me?”

“Of course,” Sabrina smiled gently “I can even come watch if you want.”

Rory’s mouth opened as if to say something but he closed it just as quickly, his eyes moving downwards for a moment. He eventually said: “I’ll go get my things.” and made his way out of the Great Hall. He had never asked her to walk with him to practice before but like previously, she attributed his behaviour to his Quidditch-related anxiety. In fact, she quite rejoiced in the fact that he was turning to her for comfort.

As they met in front of the Great Hall again about fifteen minutes later, Sabrina should’ve known something was up. As she leaned forward to kiss him in greeting, he turned his head so that her lips only brushed his jawline and he let out a small cough. “Let’s go.”

They walked through the foggy November evening in silence, their path to the pitch illuminated by the castle behind them. Rory didn’t speak, the only interaction to his girlfriend being the occasional soothing brush of his thumb across her hand. Sabrina understood that he maybe just needed some companionable silence but as they were nearing the Quidditch pitch he was getting more fidgety and she had to ask.

“Rory, are you alr-“

“I need to talk to you about something.” he breathed, stopping in his tracks and let go of her hand.

“Sure.” Sabrina smiled at him encouragingly, holding out her hand for him to take it again but he didn’t.

“It’s uhm... I... It’s complicated.”

“Okay...” Sabrina dropped her outstretched hand but still kept her smile fixed on him, nudging him to go on. It did feel to odd to her that Rory seemed to have such a problem articulating his feelings right now, as that had never been something incredibly challenging for him.

“I... Shit.” he cursed, burying his face into one of his hands. This was also extremely odd since Rory hardly ever cursed, which at this moment meant to Sabrina that something must be really wrong. Her heart momentarily sunk at the feeling of there having been something up with her boyfriend and her failing to notice, so she moved forward trying to envelope him in a hug.

“No, don’t,” Rory cried as he moved her arms away before she could properly reach him, “you’re making this worse.”

“I’m sorr-“

“Listen,” he said, his eyes properly meeting hers for the first time that evening Sabrina realised, “we... I think we should break up.”

Never in a million years did Sabrina think that these were the words he’d say to her in that moment. This is why she did not know how to react and was therefore frozen on the spot.

Seeing Sabrina’s wordless reaction must’ve spurred something inside him because suddenly his voice became much clearer: “I am so sorry for having to do this to you but... I think it’s the right thing.”

Rory’s changed demeanor and his growing steadfast gaze on her unfroze her as she breathed: “Wha- Why?”. She was the one choking up on her words now.

“I...”, Rory said closing his eyes for a minute as if trying to prepare himself for something, “Sabrina, have you ever thought about the fact that we maybe started going out out of necessity?”

“Out of wha-“

“That we ended up together just because everyone said we would.”

He wasn’t letting her finish which sent a tang of annoyance down Sabrina’s gut but in her shocked state she remained quiet and listened.

“That on that day when we kissed two years ago, we didn’t kiss because we were in love with each other but because both of our families were just counting down the days until we would.”

Sabrina shook her head, as if to try and make sense of his words. She and Rory had been inseparable pretty much since they were babies, yes. Their mothers had been thick as thieves all through Hogwarts and beyond as they were both Healers in the same department at St. Mungo’s now. They had a double wedding and even managed to get houses about two streets away from each other. To say that Rory and Sabrina hadn’t been thick as thieves just like them would be an understatement. There was not a moment in Sabrina’s life where she’d remember Rory not being around. From them discovering their magic together, to their first times on a broom to reading each other’s Hogwarts acceptance letters, they had always been at each other’s side.

At family gatherings, which were quite frequent, it was always “Sabrina and Rory this, Sabrina and Rory that.” and it only took the pair going to Hogwarts to make their families start teasing them about being a couple. Like young teenagers typically would, they kept rebutting it with blushing faces and the occasionall stomping of stairs but never so much as to make things weird between them.

He did have a point. When they kissed under one of the mistletoes on Christmas Eve in their third year it had been the most natural thing in the world. Like everything had fallen into place, like some kind of prophecy.

Sabrina didn’t understand why that seemed to be an issue though because she had feelings for Rory. Loved him even and probably always had.

And yet there he was, the most important person in her life, standing in front of her and telling her words she never thought she’d hear. The person she thought would take care of her heart forever, was breaking it.

The longer Sabrina stood there, open-mouthed, mulling over his statement the more she felt her head spin and she released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Somehow though her voice was cut short, just like her feet and her eyes were surprisingly glued on the spot.

Rory gulped, his gaze cast downwards for a second before looking at her again and somehow Sabrina knew that the worst was yet to come.

“I met someone. At the end of last year.”

Her expression must have shown a flash of hurt because she swore she saw Rory’s demeanor falter again as he broke out: “Nothing happened though Sabrina, I’m not that kind of person.”

“Who is she?” Sabrina asked suddenly, her voice finding it’s way back into her throat again although shakingly. She mentally kicked herself in the shin. Out of all the things, all the questions that were whirring through her mind this was the one she asked first?

Before he could reply though she cut him off: “No actually, don’t answer that.”

This was when her gaze broke away and focused on a spot somewhere on his yellow Quidditch robe. She had no clue whatsoever as to what to say or even think. All she could feel was her head starting to spin even more from all the questions she wanted to ask but didn’t manage to.

After a pause, Rory continued. “She’s made me think a lot about... love... and falling _in_ love. On what the difference might be. On what it feels like. I’ve spent the whole of last summer thinking about us and whether what we had is actually true.”

As if she wasn’t experiencing a lot of emotions all at once, now her stomach also had to make a collateral drop. “Are you saying you... were never in love with me?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Sabrina!” Rory snapped, his voice rising into a tone which she had never heard from him before, “How am I supposed to know?! How am I supposed to know when the only love I’ve ever known was fabricated!”

“ _Fabricated_?” Sabrina gasped.

This had stung. This had stung so much, her eyes filled up with tears and she had the faint feeling her knees might buckle any second now.

Apparently, this had stung him too because he tried to backtrack: “I didn’t mean it lik-“

“Fabricated.” Sabrina repeated, the word sounding more like a shaky breath than anything else. She felt a couple of hot tears make it’s way across her cheeks and she lowered her head again, not wanting to be seen.

They stood like this for a while, feeling like there was nothing yet everything in the air between them. As Sabrina raised her head she could see from her cloudy vision that Rory was still looking at her and his eyes seemed to be teary now too.

She had no idea why she said her next words because they were a lie but she spoke them anyway even with the hint of a sad smile on her face:

“I understand.”

Hardly seeing anything through the pool of tears in her eyes, Sabrina didn’t remember much of how she made it back to the castle as she ran back, hoping she wouldn’t hurt herself. Though, she didn’t think anything could ever hurt her more than this.

 

 


	2. II

If Sabrina had to explain the way she was feeling for the next few days after that fateful Wednesday evening, she’d say that it felt like her lungs had been tied up with a rope, loose enough only to let her catch the tiniest breaths, on top of a lovely migraine. She had stayed in her bed all Thursday but by Friday, Jackie had dragged her out of it explaining that if she’d stayed in bed that day as well she’d have to go to Madam Pomfrey, who would end up having no cure for her. She’d also have to go to Professor Sprout and explain herself which, even though she might be understanding, would still do her no good.

 

When Rory saw her walk into the Great Hall that morning, his face twisted up in in something looking an awful lot like hurt. Sabrina, who felt a chill go down her spine at that, had to look away or else she would have started crying there and then. Despite looking into the mirror for a brief second in the bathroom, she didn’t really know what she looked like but she imagined that after having spent a whole day in bed either crying or staring emptily at the ceiling, it wasn’t good.

 

The Quidditch match on Saturday had been of no interest to her anymore so she decided to rather spend it in the library, far away from everybody. This gave Mary a perfect excuse to not go as well and join her.

 

“I’ve always said it, men are pigs.” she spoke loudly since there really wasn’t anybody in the library besides them. “And they never know just what the fuck they want.”

 

Sabrina stayed quiet, remaining somewhat focused on her Defense Against The Dark Arts homework. Despite her wishing to be alone she was glad that it was Mary who had joined her and not any of her other friends. Mary talked a lot, and mostly shit, but she rarely expected anything in return which meant that Sabrina didn’t need to feel particularly guilty about it being a one-way conversation.

 

“Didn’t think Rory’d be the kinda guy to pull this shit but then again the nice and innocent ones are always the big assholes in the end.”

 

“No, Mary,” Sabrina cut her off as she looked up, “he’s not an asshole.”

 

“He emotionally cheated on you and called your love fabricated.”

 

“Well, he-“

 

She knew she couldn’t really finish that sentence since nothing made sense to her yet so she focused on her work again. Tears began to form in her eyes but since that was what felt like the millionth time in those few days, she didn’t try and fight against them especially since they were alone. Mary must’ve seen that as her cue to stop talking so she remained quiet for the rest of the day.

 

Sabrina had spent a lot of these past 72 hours asking herself a lot of questions and analysing every single part of the relationship. From the first memory she had of Rory, to the very last mostly asking herself where she had gone wrong.

 

This had to be it. He practically said he wasn’t sure whether he was ever in love with her and even though her rational brain told her that that wasn’t necessarily her fault, a little voice kept telling her that it most likely was.

 

She also wondered about what her family would say. Did they already know, had Rory sent an owl to his parents? How would they and their families act around each other once Christmas approached? She could practically feel their stares and hear their dozen inquiries, which also added anxiety to the mix of her countless feelings.

 

As she returned to the common room sometime in the evening, she could tell by the slightly quieter chatter than usual that Hufflepuff had lost. She spotted Rory sitting on the cushions on the floor with his team with a desolate expression on his face, which couldn’t help but send a small pang of satisfaction down her gut. That was quickly followed by pang of guilt, as she chided herself for being this mean, and something worse: The realisation that there was nothing she could do to help him.

 

Her state of shock and sadness didn’t become any easier the next week as she was in close proximity to him pretty much throughout all of her day. He either sat in front of her, somewhere behind her - but not too far for her not to feel his presence- or in the case of Transfiguration, right next to her. When he sat down before the lesson she heard him take a deep breath as if to say something but something inside her mader her quickly cut him off, “Don’t.” and he remained silent. She was sure however, that he had seen and perhaps even heard a couple of her tears fall onto her notebook.

 

The only welcome distraction, that wasn’t sleeping, was Potions because of Rory sitting far out or ear and eyeshot and because of her partner’s all-consuming presence.

 

If Sirius wasn’t bantering with Remus or even James from across the room, he was asking her Potions related questions or occasionally giving commentary on the lesson. Sabrina was incredibly grateful for that because it made her leave the dungeons with a slightly lighter heart for that half an hour until it would eventually drop again upon seeing Rory.

 

“Have you decided what you’re gonna wear to Sarah’s party tonight?” Jackie asked at breakfast next Saturday morning.

 

“Trousers and a t-shirt.” replied Mary animatedly.

 

“I’m not asking you, you aren’t invited.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I won’t show up.”

 

“And you, Sabrina?” asked Jackie, ignoring that comment.

 

“I... I think I won’t be going.” she replied, managing to force out a little apologetic smile.

 

“Are you serious, why not?”

 

“I don’t know, I guess I just... don’t feel like it.” Sabrina replied absentmindedly, fiddling with the spoon in her cereal bowl.

 

The Hufflepuff Quidditch captain was throwing her birthday party tonight, and practically all of the older Hufflepuffs and a few people from other houses (mostly Quidditch players and their closest friends) had been invited. It had been the talk of the past few days not only because she was famous for throwing a party every year but because it was her final year at Hogwarts and everyone was convinced she would be going out with a bang.

 

“Oh honestly Sabrina, you shouldn’t stop living your life just because a guy broke up with you.” Mary sighed, looking up from her issue of the Daily Prophet she had been reading “Just because you feel guilty he left you - which is complete bullshit, by the way - doesn’t mean you’re suddenly not allowed to have fun.”

 

“Mary!” exclaimed Jackie, slapping her shoulder.

 

“No, she’s right. Good morning.” replied Eleanor, the fourth member of their friend group, who had just joined them at the table.

 

Despite Mary’s comment stinging a little bit, Sabrina knew that she was right. Truth be told she had been quite excited for the party since she had gotten the invite. She had already gone the year before (solely because of her connection to Rory) and it had been fun but she knew this year would be even better because of her friends having gotten invitations too.

 

She had always been grateful for her friends but she particularly appreciated them since her split. When she had burst into their dorm that evening, she immediately told (or sobbed more like) the general story to Jackie. Even though Eleanor and Mary hadn’t heard it first-hand, they never pushed her into telling them _exactly_ what had happened, trusting her enough to know she’ll eventually tell them when she felt like it. The only slightly negative response she had gotten was from Eleanor who immediately asked what their families would think, which made sense since she was her cousin, but still made Sabrina feel like crap.

 

However, as much as it was helpful, it had also created this weird dichotomy of her friends knowing the story, but not completely understanding it. She knew her friends were on her side, supporting her, but it was hard to describe the mess of emotions she was feeling to herself, let alone to others. And since they haven’t yet asked, she simply wasn’t even offering to try.

 

Despite that, the three had never left her side since then and had even started sitting at meals together even though Mary and Eleanor were Slytherin and Ravenclaw respectively. At the end of the day Sabrina was glad to have had them around her at all times, despite her mind tricking her into thinking she wanted to be alone.

 

“Yeah you’re... I’ll think about it.”

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

Sarah’s party was taking place in a room called the Room of Requirement. The previous years it had been held in a classroom, protected by layer upon layer of protective spells and groups of people taking watch (it was an incredibly risky affair, they had never been discovered though). This time though, everyone was saying Sarah had been informed by some people of this room and it was the perfect spot. It was much bigger, with more decorations and a lot more food and drink tables which consequently meant more people had been invited. If Sabrina was ever sure they’d get discovered it was this time, then again word was the room had sealed itself to professors.

 

The party had started incredibly well but at one point through the night, their group had managed to disperse. Eleanor was pulled away quite quickly, and nobody could really blame her because she basically knew the whole school by name, Jackie started an animated discussion with a girl from her Divination class and Mary had gone off god knows where. Despite knowing quite a few people in the room, Sabrina somehow didn’t find it in her to talk to anybody so she had ended up leaning against the wall by herself.

 

A half an hour later, that was composed of either people-watching or wishing she could be with Rory, her gaze had landed on a group of people doing shots of firewhiskey in the corner. Sabrina had also taken one with her friends right after entering the party but had stuck to pumpkin juice since.

 

Watching those people laughing loudly and her not wanting to feel this miserable anymore, made her take a deep breath and walk towards one of the various tables laden with drinks and pour herself a shot as well. She couldn’t say she was necessarily a fan of the fiery liquid burning down her throat but she could handle it if it meant it would loosen her up a little.

 

After what felt like a few moments, she had somehow found herself in the middle of a group of sixth-year Gryffindors talking euphorically about a new wizarding band. The realisation that she was talking, smiling and even laughing properly for the first time since last Wednesday, foolishly prompted her to take another shot and then her night took off.

 

She made her rounds through the room and chatted, laughed, played three games of Exploding Snap and even ended up on the dancefloor with a boy, whom she only recognised to be a seventh-year Ravenclaw. Somewhere in-between that she had taken a third (technically her fourth) firewhiskey shot and to say that her head wasn’t spinning at least a little bit at that point would have been an understatement. But she ignored it.

 

At one point she was listening to some boy complain to her about the amount of homework he still had over the weekend and naturally her mind had wandered off to other things. She realised that now would be a perfectly good time to thank the host for the invitation.

 

“I’ll be back in a sec, okay.” she interrupted the boy mid-sentence and flashed him a smile before going off to search for the Quidditch Captain. She spotted her sitting on a cushion in the corner of the room and started pushing herself through the masses.

 

When she got there though, she immediately forgot her objective as soon as her gaze landed on somebody else in that same corner.

 

It was Rory, engulfed in one of the most intense makeout sessions Sabrina had ever seen. The girl, whom Sabrina couldn’t recognise since her back was turned, was stradling his lap, her one hand firmly on his arm, the other tousling his hair.

 

Sabrina was, like on the night of their break-up, glued onto the spot and couldn’t help but watch with her eyes and mouth wide open. She felt all of the blood leave her head (that was feeling dizzy as it is), as Rory went on to kiss the girls neck, making her dip her head.

 

After starting her firewhiskey marathon, she had forgotten about their situation completely but to have been reminded of it so quickly and in such a direct fashion had immediately sent Sabrina into a spiral.

 

She abruptly turned around and started running somewhere, anywhere, feeling as though Rory and his girl were right after her. She weaved through the crowd but her slightly blurred vision - both from the drinks and the tears that were forming in her eyes - wasn’t reliable anymore so she quite quickly rammed right into someone.

 

The force of the slam was so strong it knocked the air straight out of her lungs and had the person she ran into not caught her by the arms, she would’ve fallen onto the floor and most likely never gotten up; the hit wasn’t _that_ strong but she was feeling so weak both mentally and physically that - if given the excuse - she’s pretty sure she would’ve just resigned herself to never moving away from the floor.

 

“Woah woah woah, easy Pritchard.” said the voice of her victim as he lifted her up and it took Sabrina a second to realise that it was her Potions partner, Sirius.

 

She had no idea she had been properly crying until she saw the annoyance wipe away from his face, as he took a better look at her.

 

“ _Geez_ , are you alright?”

 

Whether she had responded or not, Sirius took a look around the room and then grabbed her arm to pull her towards a corner. When they reached it, Sabrina threw herself backwards against the wall and sagged onto the floor.

 

“Stop, take deep breaths, Pritchard.”

 

As soon as he said that Sabrina realised she was breathing rapidly which made her panic and start to sob even quicker and louder.

 

“No no no, stop, take it easy, everything’s okay.”

 

He wasn’t helping, her head was spinning and she heard herself cry out miserably, her nails scratching the floor beside her.

 

“Fuck, alright, let’s get you to some actual air.”

 

Before she could protest - whether she could manage to or not - Sirius had pulled her upwards and led her through another, less dense, group of people and through the exit of the party. He walked her through a chilly corridor as quickly as he could whilst also trying to regulate the volume of her sobs that echoed through the night, which in hindsight must’ve not been an easy task. He quickly opened the door to a room, locked it and dragged her towards the windows.

 

As soon as he opened one, Sabrina instantly felt herself taking deeper breaths and she leaned outside against the windowsill, slowly but surely feeling like her lungs were opening up again.

 

“Breathe, it’s okay.” Sirius kept telling her every few seconds, as he watched her.

 

Her breathing did get into a somewhat regular pattern after a while but she soon started shivering from the cold so Sirius softly pushed her away to close the window. This had finally made her properly aware of his presence.

 

“Shit, I am so-“

 

“No, don’t even start.”

 

Sabrina sighed, hiding her face in her palms in an attempt to hide her embarrassment. She was obviously still drunk which only amplified her shame, but it was awful enough that it was Sirius Black out of all people seeing her be this hysterical.

 

“May I ask what happened?” he asked, quietly.

 

Naturally, this reminded Sabrina of the real reason they were here so another wave of sobs flooded her throat.

 

Sirius picked up on that and immediately backtracked: “Oh no no no actually, don’t tell me.”

 

Sabrina had turned away though and sagged onto the thing closest to her, which ended up being a chair, thankfully.

 

She could not pinpoint to which factor exactly she could attribute her next actions to, whether it was her still-present hysteria, the alcohol spinning her brain, the fact that Sirius was the only person in the room or the fact that it was _Sirius_ , someone who was as neutral about the situation as neutral could get and could perhaps give her a different insight - one that might help.

 

“I saw Rory making out with someone.”

 

Sirius was silent for a beat.

 

“Rory? Your boyfriend Rory?” he questioned “What a fu- do you want me and James to kick his nuts off, cause that can certainly be arranged.”

 

This actually made her chuckle. On top of that she thought she might’ve seen him ball up his fists as he said it.

 

“No. He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

 

“Well he definitely isn’t aft- _oh_.”

 

Sabrina sniffled again and finally lifted her blotched face off her hands. Sirius was watching her carefully, leaning against the windowsill. She couldn’t quite see him in the dark which encouraged her to start talking even more.

 

“He broke up with me last week, saying he’s met someone else and thinks he likes he- well, I can _definitely_ see he likes her.”

 

“Ssshhh.” said Sirius, alerting her to the fact that she was getting too loud again and probably even slurring her words.

 

“He pretty much said he never loved me, saying that our love was fabricated-“ Sabrina only paused to see Sirius raise his eyebrows at that, “- and now I can’t stop thinking about where it’s gone wrong, what did I do to make him feel this way, am I really such an awful person that he felt like he was... caged by me or something, I-“

 

“Ssshh, please be more quiet unless you want bloody Filch to come barging in and then find the rest of the party.” Sirius interrupted her harshly but not rudely and Sabrina nodded, more to herself than anything.

 

She stayed silent for a moment, trying to regulate the spinning in her head, feeling Sirius’ eyes on her still. The words, that she had been keeping quiet for so long were bubbling at the surface and she knew they were ready to come out, whether anybody liked it or not.

 

“We’ve been a part of each other’s lives our whole lives and I know him so well and I’ve now gone through our whole relationship timeline, desperately trying to find a moment or a sign that would show me he never loved me but I can’t find it and that makes me feel even more awful that he’s been either hiding it this whole time or, I don’t know I-“

 

Sabrina only paused that vord vomit to release a pathetic hiccup.

 

“What if he loved me but just got bored of me all of a sudden, that’s even worse.”

 

She cried a bit more, brushing her hands through her hair roughly in an attempt to calm herself. Sirius kept quiet, shuffling his weight from one foot to another, most likely sensing she wasn’t finished yet.

 

“I... don’t think I can live without him.”

 

This made him speak up.

 

“I’m pretty sure you can, Pritchard.”

 

“No, I can’t! He’s all I’ve ever known and I love him too much.”

 

“Alright.”

 

To somebody sober his tone would’ve indicated that he wasn’t prepared to continue arguing on this matter but to far-from-sober-Sabrina it just sounded like he was agreeing with her so she nodded frantically, happy that somone had understood. She pulled her sleeves over her fingers and brushed away the tears from her eyes but they just kept coming.

 

Even though a mere second ago she thought she had so many more things to say, she didn’t because the next thing she felt take over her body was a massive wave of exhaustion. This exhibited itself in the way that she felt herself lean sideways and Sirius had to catch her, for the second time that night.

 

“Woah, okay, I think that’s it, let’s get you to bed.”

 

She had absolutely no recollection of getting back to the Common Room but Sirius must have brought her there safe and sound because she woke up in her bed the next morning. The light coming from her window immediately gave her an overwhelming headache which only made her turn around and fall right back to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments & thoughts are kindly appreciated!


	3. III

It was safe to say Sabrina did not leave her bed all through Sunday. The skull piercing headache, nausea and aching limbs were enough to cling her onto her mattress, only getting up for the occasional toilet break and a glass of water.

 

Jackie had found the thing both shocking and hilarious but had been kind enough to not ask too many questions and brought her up food from the Great Hall. When explaining what happened, Sabrina once again ended up not telling the whole story, emitting the fact that Sirius Black out of all people had been the one to take care of her during her panic attack, hysteria or whatever the hell that had been. She thought that being this hungover was embarrassing enough.

 

Speaking of Sirius, she had no idea how to face him after that display at the party. To make matters worse, she had Potions first thing on Monday morning which gave her next to no time to prepare for seeing him. She was obviously grateful for his help but also felt like the biggest idiot for drunkenly spilling out her heartaches to a person she barely knew.

 

Especially him. Not that he didn’t seem to be an untrustworthy person but he just... wasn’t a person she’d ever consider revealing her sorrows to. Or any kind of problems, really. While she was sure he wasn’t a bad person, he didn’t strike her as particularly empathic _;_ let’s just say that if she ever had to choose someone to lead her through an emotionally difficult situation such as the one last night, before what had happened he certainly wouldn’t have been her first choice. Or anywhere near her top five. Nevertheless, she was pleasantly surprised at how he approached the whole situation, but definitely wasn’t ready to face him anytime soon.

 

At breakfast on Monday, she avoided looking at the Gryffindor table but ended up not needing much restraint to do so because her gaze had been torn somewhere else.

 

Rory had walked into the Great Hall, arm in arm with, Sabrina was guessing, the girl from the party. They were chatting animatedly, Rory’s attention fully focused on her with a big sincere grin Sabrina knew all too well. This suddenly made her suddenly lose all appetite.

 

“That’s Priya Patil, sixth-year, Gryffindor. Apparently she’s close friends with a lot of Quidditch players and that’s how they met,” Eleanor, who had noticed Sabrina’s sourly glancing at the couple, pointed out “I’m sorry, Sabrina.”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Sabrina smiled lightly, though still not quite having it in her to tear her eyes away from the sight. It was something so unusual, so foreign and yet so familiar because she had been _that_ girl nearly two weeks ago. She felt her stomach tighten.

 

The two exchanged a quick kiss before parting ways to go to their house’s tables. When Rory passed Sabrina, he met her gaze and did a double-take. His face even resembled something close to guilt but neither of them could elaborate further because Mary, who had noticed that exchange also, turned towards Rory and flipped him off with a smile.

 

“That was unnecessary.” Sabrina commented when he scoured off.

 

“Was it though?” Mary grumbled in-between a bite of her croissant. Sabrina shook her head at her friend’s antics trying to keep a straight face, but if she were being honest she’d have to admit the gesture made her want to smile.

Thinking about that sight momentarily distracted her from the impending encounter she was about to have with Sirius so when he sat down next to her in class an hour later, the only thing she had prepared was an apology.

 

“Hey Sirius, I’m so-“

 

“No, stop right there. I’ve got an idea for you.”

 

“You what?”

 

“More like a proposition actually but yes, you heard me right” he said, spinning on his chair to face her completely. He was grinning and his eyes were sparkling with mischief, an expression Sabrina knew somewhat well by now but was never on the receiving end of. It made her feel slightly uneasy.

 

“It’s about your situation with Smith. You said you still love him right and I assume that if possible you’d like to get him back.”

 

“I-”

 

“You’ve been together your whole life. He’s gotten completely used to you and your routine, when all of a sudden some pretty girl smiled at him twice and made him question his whole existence and-“

 

“That’s exactly what happened, what’s your point?” Sabrina snapped, surprised at her sudden annoyance.

 

If her reaction surprised Sirius, he didn’t show it.

 

“I’m saying that this doesn’t have to be permanent. A girl, who wasn’t you for a change, unexpectedly gave him two seconds of her time and it piqued his interest. He got an opportunity to explore new territory and he took it, most likely it had absolutely nothing to do with you personally.”

 

All Sabrina could do now was stare at him open-mouthed. Why was he telling her all this?

 

Needless to say, she wasn’t handling all these surprises that had been thrown at her this past week well. First getting dumped by the love of her life, then getting drunk out of her mind and now she was receiving some kind of relationship advice from Sirius Black. If the next thing that happened to her was the Giant Squid swallowing her whole, she probably wouldn’t even flinch.

 

“Listen. I know how these things work. Countless of guys have dropped their longtime girlfriends for a fling because they thought they fell out of love but as soon as they see _them_ with another guy, that’s when their blood gets boiling. So, maybe Smith seeing you with a new boyfriend is going to make him realise what he’s had and he’ll come begging you to take him back.”

 

He paused for a beat, his mischievous smile turning into an outright grin.

 

“And this is where I come in.”

 

_“What!?”_

Sabrina was cut off from asking any further questions by Professor Slughorn, who had just walked into the class and started the lesson. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, he wasn’t actually suggesting what she thinks he was suggesting? Does he think she’s someone who’d randomly involve herself with someone? Would that even work on Rory? Besides, was Sirius suggesting... he wants to date her? She felt all the blood flow straight into her head at the realisation.

 

“I can’t guarantee it will work because he maybe was actually telling the truth and he’s really not in love with you anymore but there’s no pain in trying. Besides-“

 

“Mister Black, would you be so kind as to repeat the main effect of a Girding Potion to the class please?” Professor Slughorn’s voice had cut him off and Sirius and Sabrina both flinched and whipped their heads to face the potions master.

 

An almost inaudible whisper reached Sirius seconds before he spoke up: “It increases one’s endurance. Quite useful if you ask me” and winked which made the class giggle.

 

“Thank you, Mr Lupin.” Slughorn sighed and turned away to continue the lesson.

 

“Cheers Moony, anyways-“

 

“No, wait a second.” Sabrina had finally found the words to say something. “If I understand you correctly, you’re suggesting that we... you’re asking me to date you?”

 

“Essentially yes but also no. I was getting to that.”

 

Despite the situation being bizarre, Sabrina couldn’t help but blush further and quickly looked away, pretending to write something in her notebook. The only words that were going through her head right now were the three simple and efficient what the fuck.

 

Sirius copied the movement but still leaned in closer to continue: “James and I have this new bet. It’s about me not being able to remain interested and keep a girl for longer than two months - which I personally don’t see any problem in but the rest of the world apparently does -  anyway, he’s offered to give me fifty galleons if I ever manage to do that. He was slightly off his trolley when he said that but nonetheless.”

 

He stopped only to get out of the chair like the rest of the class. Apparently Slughorn issued out an order to start working on a potion, which neither of them had heard.

 

“Of course we wouldn’t actually be dating cause on your end it’s just a ruse to get Smith back and I’m in it for the money. Call it mutual benefits.”

 

“I-“ Sabrina only managed to say as she shook her head in disbelief.

 

To buy herself some time she looked around the class to try and figure out what was going on. Students were moving towards the shelves, presumably to fetch supplies and since she was usually the one of the pair to do that, she followed, suddenly being grateful to get away from Sirius for a moment. She didn’t know what potion they were making and what ingredients to get so she just copied everyone else, meanwhile trying to come up with a decent enough answer to Sirius’ ludicrous plan; alas, her mind was completely blank and no possible amount of time would have been enough for her to come up with anything. So before long she was back at their table.

“You’d help a poor soul out, Pritchard.” Sirius said as she returned. When she dared to actually look at him again, she realised he was making incredibly convincing puppy eyes at her which she couldn’t help but gape at for a short second.

 

“We can split the money.”

 

“No, that’s-“ Sabrina started but when Sirius smiled she realised that that had sounded like she was already agreeing to the whole deal.

 

In an attempt to ignore him, she skimmed through the potion ingredients in her book but since she still had no clue as to what potion they were doing she sighed frustratedly.

 

She must’ve been quite loud because Remus from across the table looked at the pair with raised eyebrows.

 

“Page 52. What’s up with you two today?” he asked, his eyes shifting from one to the other.

 

“Ah just some trouble in paradise, nothing for you to worry about, Remus” Sirius responded, which earned him a glare from Sabrina _._ That only made him laugh.

 

After Sabrina told Sirius what to do they worked in silence for a couple of minutes but naturally, as hard as she tried Sabrina couldn’t focus properly. So much so she put too much Fluxweed in her potion, making it turn much more green than it was supposed to be.

 

“Uh oh, Pritchard. Somebody’s distracted today.”

 

“Can you just-“

 

“Mister Black why are you still cutting the mushrooms when you are supposed to be finishing the potion already?” Professor Slughorn, who had crept up behind the pair, cut in.

 

“Apologies Professor, bit slow today. I’ve got a lot on my mind” Sirius replied, looking at Sabrina.

 

“Well apparently so do you, Miss Pritchard” the professor said, as he leaned over Sabrina’s bright green potion. “Don’t let Mister Black’s antics distract you too much.”

 

“I’m sorry, Professor Slughorn.” Sabrina said with a slight smile that she was sure must’ve looked a little bitter.

 

“Twenty minutes to go, class!” Slughorn yelled, moving away from them to make another round through the classroom.

 

Sabrina sighed again, leaning over her notes. She was pretty sure that there was no chance of her getting this potion right in time now and she let fly a few curses in her head.

 

“I can see your wheels turning, you’re considering it.” Sirius said after a while, as he leaned closer pretending to read out of her book when he very well had his own.

 

“Just let me focus on this goddamn potion.” Sabrina groaned, pushing him away.  “I’ll think about it.”

 

That had shut him up. Sabrina was surprised to discover though, that she hadn’t even lied. She _was_ considering it, despite how positively insane it was. Was she prepared to go such lengths though? A quiet voice inside her murmured yes.

 

Twenty minutes later Sabrina filled a vial with her terrible potion, already dreading the consequences this will have on her mark, and as quickly as possible started putting away her things to get out of the class as fast as she could.

 

Sirius however, saw right through her.

 

“Don’t keep me waiting too long, Pritchard.” he grinned at her wildly and gave her a wink. All that Sabrina could do in response was scoff in involuntarily blush again.

 

If she had been distracted in Potions, it was nothing compared to her concentration levels the rest of the day. In true Sabrina fashion, she kept going through their conversation in her head, making it sound more silly with each repeat which in turn made her more frustrated.

 

When she sat down next to Rory in Transfiguration class that’s when she really started thinking. The part of her brain that knew Rory, which was most of her brain, knew that this could work. Rory wasn’t a possessive person but she could recall certain times where he displayed hints of jealousy. Sabrina never gave him any reasons to be outright jealous but she was still curious enough to consider the notion that something as extreme as this might change his mind.

 

There was also the matter of _who_ she would be doing this with.

 

She was never much for gossip but of course one ended up hearing (or seeing) things sooner or later. Mostly from Eleanor, who by nature of her knowing so many people often had a lot to share.

 

Sirius was for better or worse, a heartthrob. Sabrina couldn’t count with both hands the girls (and she was pretty sure even some boys) only in her year who fancied him, so she didn’t even want to think about how many more there were in other years. There pretty much wasn’t a pretty girl he had not flirted and, in the case of some luckier chosen ones, even made out with but as far as Sabrina was concerned he had never been in a relationship. Surely, him actually being in one all of a sudden would be a shock to a few people.

 

There was also the matter of the money. She was sure Sirius could’ve asked any girl, a girl with an actual crush on him as a matter of fact, to do this for him but he asked _her_ specifically, knowing that she might get something out of it too. Mutual benefits, he called it. For some reason that kindness, if you could call it that, overruled her reasoning as to accept even over her immense desire to be with Rory again. If this whole plan didn’t work on her end at least it would on Sirius’. She didn’t want to be so rude as to refuse him helping to get money, despite of how silly of a bet it was.

 

As she woke up from that daydream with a mind almost fully convinced on accepting, she looked down and noticed she had subconsciously written “Sirius” in her notebook. She gasped quietly and frantically striked it out, hoping Rory hadn’t seen. If he had that meant she would’ve jump-started the plan before even telling Sirius about it.

 

On her way to dinner that evening Sabrina spotted him and his three friends, hanging out on one of the benches near the Great Hall, looking at some sort of drawing and laughing about it loudly. As if sensing her presence, Sirius looked up and found her gaze, raising his eyebrows questioningly. Somehow Sabrina knew exactly what he meant and despite not even giving herself a decided answer yet, she gave him a small nod. His face lit up with a wide grin and for a split second Sabrina felt a chill go down her spine.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

 

“What was that?” asked Jackie who was walking with her.

 

“Oh, nothing.”

 

 

**

 

 

The next morning, Sabrina dragged herself to breakfast in a confused haze as she had spent pretty much the whole night mulling over what she had agreed to. So far the only thing she had done was say yes but as she thought about it more and the implications of their arrangement became clearer, she realised that they couldn’t do this without some sort of plan. What that plan was supposed to look like, she had no idea and somehow she doubted that Sirius did either.

 

As she walked into the Great Hall she decidedly made a big turn away from the Gryffindor table, in hopes of not being seen if Sirius was there already. She didn’t necessarily expect anything to happen but she would rather avoid him right now, just to be sure.

 

Unfortunately, she didn’t make it far because right as she reached the Hufflepuff table, his booming voice came through from somewhere behind her.

 

“Sabrina!”

 

When she flipped around she could see that he was jogging towards her with a big grin on his face and before she could panic about what that grin could mean, he grabbed her hand, pulled her towards him so she practically rammed into his torso, and kissed her.

 

It wasn’t a peck, he properly kissed her. On the mouth. So hard she had to arch her back and her mind went decidedly blank.

 

Despite it being the polar opposite situation, it strangely reminded her of the evening of her breakup. She was glued to the spot with shock, unable to react and at a loss for words. Sabrina had no idea how long she would’ve stood there, had Sirius not placed a hand on her lower back, the additional physical contact snapping her out of it.

 

She pushed his body away and stared up at him open-mouthedly as if to say something but of course nothing came out. If Sirius was at all shocked by her reaction, he quickly wiped it away and replaced it with another of his signature smug grins, suddenly making Sabrina’s blood boil in her veins.

 

Without words, she grabbed his hand and forcefully dragged him out of the hall, swearing she could hear him let out a laugh behind her. When they got out she walked another few steps towards the nearest corner and then yanked away her hand, flipping around to face him.

 

“What on earth was that?!” she shrieked.

 

“What was what I-“

 

“You kissed me!”

 

Sirius was very calm when he looked around as if making sure nobody could hear them. “Yes... cause we’re together.”

 

“No we’re not.”

 

“Yes we are, Pritchard.”

 

“But not for real.”

 

“Well they don’t know that.”

 

“Who’s they?”

 

“The people we’re trying to fool!” this time his initial calmness crumbled as he brushed a hand through his hair in frustration before continuing “I’m starting to think you have no idea what you’ve agreed to.”

 

“I know what I’ve agreed to, I just didn’t think you’d kiss me.”

 

“Well, how do you think we’ll make people believe we’re together?”

 

This made Sabrina skip a beat. “I don’t know... tell everyone.“

 

“Pfft, nobody’s gonna believe we’re dating if I don’t make some gross display of public affection at least once and you know that.” he scowled and before Sabrina could protest he added: “Besides, Smith’s jaw looked like it was about to mop the floor.”

“Wha- Really?” Sabrina said, noticing how her anger immediately left her voice at the mention of Rory. She hated how hopeful it made her sound because despite agreeing she still had her doubts. Besides, she didn't want to forgive Sirius for his lack of a forewarning so soon.

“Yes so this is definitely something we’ll have to repeat.”

 

If Sabrina wanted to respond to that she didn’t because the revelation that Rory had seen them, even _reacted_ to them made her briefly revel in triumph. She hadn’t thought that this would be the way and so soon. Of course it didn’t have to mean anything but it was a good start. 

 

“Now, if you don’t mind I’d like to get back to my chocolate croissant.” said Sirius, clearly noticing she had calmed down.

 

“Yes, sorry.”

 

As the walked back towards the entrance, Sirius grabbed her hand but Sabrina flicked it away.

 

“If you don’t hold my hand they’ll think we fought.” he said, taking it back again, softer this time.

 

“We did.”

 

“Yeah but- fucking hell” Sirius groaned, him the one to get frustrated now  “This is going to be harder than I thought.”

 

When they got into the Great Hall, Sirius held onto her hand for as long as he could before they had to split up and even then he kept looking at her from across the room with a smirk, until he sat down. Sabrina was sure this was for show and she felt quite ridiculous (and somewhat self-conscious) which is why she didn’t quite play along and walked to her table, with her head down as fast as she could. She knew that she’d undoubtedly have to play along somehow but she wouldn’t mind if he did most of the work.

 

When she sat down amidst her friends, they all awaited her with their eyes and mouths wide open. She even thought she felt Rory give her a similar expression from across the table but she did not dare look at him.

 

Her friends looked like this for a couple of silent seconds in which Sabrina felt her face go red as she innocently grabbed a piece of bread from one of the trays.

 

Until all of a sudden, all three of them screamed in unison: “WHAT?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love to hear from you all! x


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